i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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