I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
