Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
