There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
