my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
