Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
