apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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