is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize