6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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