just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
