My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
where does the pee come out of this thing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
