My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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