sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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