she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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