he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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