you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
