We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
