hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
