Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
