So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
