Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
