he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
