I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
