Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
