Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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