OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
