im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
