i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize