i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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