dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you would pick up someone in the library
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
