watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
