I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
