Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
