i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
