I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
