I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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