This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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