He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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