i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
