god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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