Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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