She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
