you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
