Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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