What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
