Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
