Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
