no, he came in my armpit
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
