i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
