I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
