It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
