Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
