You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
