Sponge bath it is.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
