So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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