fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
