So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
