it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
