i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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