Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
