once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
