omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
