you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
