I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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