between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
