im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
